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May 27th, 2011
08:16 am
On Tuesday night I witnessed a young man take his life.
I'll write about what happened when I have the composure.
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October 29th, 2010
09:48 am - Extensive List of Collaborations
This is just a list of ~everyone I've worked with. Photographers:
Steinbach Photography - #471266 *
Maarshal Huska *
Broadbased Marketing
Scott Armstrong
Doug Fetherston
S-U-B-L-I-M-E - #546506 *
Ron Gibson - #1125574 *
WRichard - #821927 *
SixthSense - #531052 *
KeithSonic - #574115
Jon Hoadley - #876414 *
Murder City Angels - #169758
Meg Super - #855536
afotophotography - #1391098
Steve Lukinuk - #817574*
Eric Clark - #1362648*
DocoPhoto - #475685
Bryn Thomas - #1270496*
Baconinabox - #1102100
Adam Collison - #456377*
VSP (Very Simple Pictures)
Tom Gore - #700403
Powder Puff Vixen - #1090407
Darren Stone - #1362398
Carol Hanslien
VIVID Photography
Robert Weatherbee
Tia Lin Gagne
Modal Soul Photo - #1142963
Andre Kaufman - #212275
Vince Hemingson -#1566583
Norman Whaley TOODARKPARK - #745493
Nuno Silva - #97175
Velvet Girls - #223561
MGP Photography - #695663 Thorsten Klicks Photography - #836252 Edward Yee - #403263 Studio Chiaroscuro - #2224120 Ryan Rey - #285619
GX7 Studios
Models:
Nicole Mortenson - #377014*
Rowen Bellamy - #273717
Jami Rodermond - #890262
Sera Malazi
Raquel Riskin
Heather Orr
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July 24th, 2010
10:15 pm - Sigh
Monday is my birthday. I turn 21 and I will be cut off of all medical coverage that I have. So, no more medication and I had my last infusion 1.5 weeks ago. For anyone who still doesn't know, I have MS and have exhausted all other options for medications, except for the one I was on- which was working.
If I stayed on that medication, which costs $3,456 per infusion, which I need every 4 weeks, there would be a chance of a rare brain infection called PML (Progressive Multifocal Leukoencephalopathy) after 13 months of being on it. PML has no cure, and you don't know you have it until you get it and you die. 9 months ago I was given the choice of:
1. Getting the med until I was cut off of my coverage
2. Getting the med and finding a way of paying for it after and risking the brain infection to stay without 'episodes' for longer
or
3. Going un medicated and going back to possibly having episodes every 4 months like I was before.
I chose to live a really good 9 months on the medication, and then coming off of it and making another decision from there.
So, here I am, and I don't know what to do. I'm feeling completely helpless. There is no government funding for the medication because it isn't passed in BC yet.
As I said already, there are no other medications that I can go on, that work for me. I've tried everything else and this medication was my last resort. It was my last straw after I lost my vision for a month, last year.
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November 13th, 2009
11:48 am - Frederick.
Cloverdale, Surrey/Langley area.
Nobody else was in the house aside from Brandon and I.
I was standing in the kitchen, making coffee. Brandon had just walked out the back door which was right behind me, attached to the kitchen. He was doing some gardening, and it was warm enough at the time to leave the door open.
I didn't hear anyone walk up behind me, and I thought Brandon might have been trying to sneak up on me. I felt someone looming over top of me. An obviously tall man. I turned around quick to try to hug Brandon. Nobody was there. I called for Brandon, thinking he had sneaked away fast. He was still in the garden.
I turned around and glanced across the living room. A dark figure, a shadow, moved across the room quickly.
Later that day I saw the same tall dark shadow in the laundry room, and since then I see it often.
I am not the only one that sees it. I talked about the ghost with Brandon and his sister, and we decided we needed to give the ghost a name, instead of just calling it "The Ghost".
"What should we call him?" Jennifer asked. Brandon glanced from Jennifer, to me. Out of no where, his name came to me.
"Frederick. His name is Frederick." I said.
Brandon and Jennifer drew cold looks across their faces.
"Where did you get that name. What the fuck, Fiona, where did that come from. Why Frederick." they asked.
"Because it's his name. It just is. His name is Frederick. Why are you so shocked." I asked them.
Frederick is their late grandfather's name. I had no idea.
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July 5th, 2009
06:53 pm - Butterflies.
I've been seeing butterflies. Everywhere. They aren't actually there, but I have seen them.
I'm looking up the meaning of my seeing butterflies, and this is bazaar.
Things I have found that make sense to me in the places I have seen the butterflies:
"I've heard that when you see lots of butterflies, it means that your guardian angel is near you."
"There are many links with butterflies in mythology from all over the world, many of which, in particular Greek mythology, link butterflies to the human soul. The Ancient Greeks also considered butterflies as the souls of those who had passed away."
"There is also an Irish saying that refers to the symbolic meaning of butterflies. This saying is: "Butterflies are souls of the dead waiting to pass through purgatory". "
I have also come to acknowledge and live along side a ghost at Brandon's house when I'm there. His name is Frederick. I'm dead serious.
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April 14th, 2009
01:22 am - Hmm.
I started the past few days out with not feeling well. I was reading up on different people's cases of MS and comparing them to my own. I realized that this isn't something to take lightly, and I need to take better care of myself. I was so depressed that I stopped eating. I stopped taking care of myself. I am now reading about proper diets for people with MS, and I'm starting to make changes.
I read about different symptoms that people have had, things that helped them be diagnosed, and I realized- I've had MS much longer than I've known. I've had it since I was a baby.
The headaches, the weakness, the sensitivity to the sun, the fatigue, the Vitamin B12 deficiency, the Anemia- everything contributes to my diagnosis, and I've had all of these symptoms since I was a baby. I used to scream when I'd go out in the sun when I was a baby. I was given baby Advil all through my infantry.
When I was 11 years old I had a CATscan done because a neurologist thought I had a brain tumor, because I had such bad headaches so frequently. The couldn't find anything because they didn't know what to look for in someone so young. I ended up being diagnosed with an extended overdose on painkillers. Had they have looked deeper into my brain, had they have considered MS, I'm sure I would have been diagnosed.
There is a strong connection with frequent headaches and MS.
In highschool I used to have doctors notes to get me out of doing outdoor activity, because I'd go out into the sun and as soon as I'd get moving around, I'd black out and faint. It happened multiple times. People with MS can't regulate heat in their body and once I overheat, I faint or black out. I played softball until I was 15 but had to stop because I couldn't keep up under the sun. My gym teachers thought it was a load of bullshit.
I told my doctors for years that I thought I was Anemic. They didn't see it because I always wore makeup. I have dark undereye circles from my iron deficiency and after I was diagnosed they had to test my blood to find out which Vitamins I needed, and I was directed to take a -lot- of iron because I am so deficient. If I forget to take my Vitamins 3 times a day, you can see it in my face. I went into the emergency at the hospital once because of an extreme anxiety attack and I wasn't wearing makeup, and the nurse admitting me into the hospital asked me if I was Anemic just by looking at me. My doctors would never test me though, even though I asked and asked for them to check my blood.
On top of the Iron deficiency, I am also Vitamin B12 Anemic, and I almost wasn't accepted to do a trial of a medication for MS because it was so low. There's another clue. This was taken straight off the MS Society website:
"Previous research has shown a link between B12 and MS. It seems the vitamin plays a part in forming the protective (myelin) sheath of the central nervous system, which is damaged in MS."
Myelin is like the ruber coating on electrical wires, but instead of coating electrical wires, it protects your nerves. When people with MS have an attack, the Myelin is attacked by your own auto-immune system and broken down, exposing the nerves. This causes lesions (like little cuts) in the brain. Think of fraying wires.
I have 30+ small lesions (Only about a millimeter wide) in my brain, and 3 large ones (one that is 2.5cm, and two that are 2cm wide). My brain resembles the brain of someone who has had MS much longer than a year and a half. That, or someone who has done Acid for a very long time. When I was diagnosed my Neurologist asked me if I've done a lot of drugs, and when I said, "No, I don't do drugs. Never have." She was very, very surprised.
Everything is connected, it all makes too much sense.
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February 19th, 2009
08:16 pm - Unreal.
Sometimes you see, and sometimes you don't.
Sometimes you don't see what's really happening.
It was 6:59pm.
I was walking down my street with my boyfriend, and for anyone that knows Grange Rd, at the end of the street heading towards Burnside Rd West there are only two streets off of it. Laburnum on the right, and some other one on the left.
Well, we were walking down the street and it was a pretty normal night. The streets were empty and the sky was cloudy. We were talking, and watching ahead for cars so we wouldn't get hit. Then, a car starts coming straight towards us at a normal speed. We saw the headlights and it looked as if there was fog in front of the headlights. Odd. There was no fog anywhere else. The car had just turned onto Grange and had just passed Laburnum, but hadn't got as far as the next street on the left to turn. The car made no noise, but was moving.
My boyfriend was looking at me, talking, and I was looking straight ahead. I blinked, and he was still looking at me. He looks up quickly and at the same time, we said "What the fuck, where did that car just go?!"
The car disappeared. No joke. There was no car in any direction, -none- parked on the street or in driveways except for a van that had been there the whole time. No cars up the side roads, nothing.
Fucking. Gone.
What did we just see?
Where did you go.
This is what I said. This is what I posted on Craigslist, looking for answers. This is what I recieved:
I may know the answer to your question. I grew up on interuban , and when I was a kid some other kids moved a detour sign on interuban to point down grange, a guy and his girlfriend came speeding down the road and turned down grange without slowing down they crashed and were killed.It is said that road is now haunted.
Shivers. I feel nothing.
I have known about the haunted house. The old fruit orchard that this street was. The murders. The street Lavendar and its significance, but never this.
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